Confessional 5/28/14

Hump Day Elevator Confessional.
* I missed last week, Sorry but not sorry. Wednesdays have been sucking for me lately.
* Today is one of those Wednesdays.
* I have been in a one-star movie loop and it is making me mad.
* Had 12 simultaneous shots in my knee yesterday 1/2 roids 1/2 methelyne blue. I think it's going to help, but today I am pissy for no reason and am referring to the knee as the inflammato. It is almost as angry as I am. I walked to keep it from crystallizing and it just puffed up.
* People, in general, suck. I don't count on people because they give me nothing to count ON, except for showing me that yes my expectations are too high, and No, I am NOT going to lower them, or my standards.
* I'd much rather speak Spanish or Mandarin as they are more expressive and exact,
* I've just recently been super disappointed by a friend by a bout of supreme greed and selfishness. I don't know that I can ever get past it. Ever. My opinion was very high, now, it is less than garbage.
* Please don't Have a Carly Simon moment. There are other people in my life.
* I think it's time for some selfishness on my part, and that, instead of a run to the fields this weekend, or early next, may involve a run to the beach. I need some salt in this wound so it will heal, and heal fast. What is thatGinger Leigh song? Better Than Well? But not everything I do is for you. Sh'ma Yisrael, this one is for me.
* It's been 2 months + since I quit smoking, and I could care less about having another cigarette. I've even held one and wasn't tempted to take a drag with no one looking.
* have resigned myself to a number of things to be found after this post in ya ‪#‎bigdamnpants‬
You want confessions this is today.

When my guides disagree with your guides: Riding an Ass Down the Spiritual Canyon

Sub Title: The Lady with the Spiritual Pants
A hundred years ago, I worked in a very unique place of business. It was geophysical to metaphysical. We literally sold maps and flags of the world and maps and flags of the universe. We were a set of odd birds there. Switching gears from selling different guides, reading people as to what kind of tourist of the Ukraine they were going to be, and the next customer, do we sell them the quartz we founding the parking lot or the one we just picked up from a personal trip to Brazil known to not be regularly handled by anyone in the store? This was my JOB. My daily routine of clocking in and while someone would take the time to look up "you know, that purple book, that's about this big, by that lady who talks about angels," I'd be to the shelf and back with said book in hand, taking the customer back to the section, getting that 'read' and asking questions telling them about similar titles. It was a joy to work there.
We also had Psychic Fairs. At the old location, it was in the store space it was across the way, very manageable. At the new location, it was a mad house. Still fun but a madhouse trying to keep the sections separate. We had a variety of methodologies. Horary astrologers, regular astrologers, Tarot readers, angel card readers, Native Shamen, Aura photography, the practitioners changed every month but we had staples. One woman put down tarot cards, but she didn't need them at all. To this day, if I need a check in that's who I would see. She keeps telling me, "you know this is as well as I do, and as clear as I see it, but I get you're just getting a second opinion." YOUBETCHA.
There were a few readers that rang true for some folks that were regular clients, but I thought they were a load of crap because I knew their personal life was interfering in the clarity of the readings. That person tended to attract only people who were going through major drama with relationships. People are drawn to different things and I respect the individuality. Off work they were all a hoot. There was really nothing that wasn't fun about the whole experience. I am still fairly close to them all except one guy who just dropped off the grid because that is who he is, and that too, is okay.
We had all kinds of events. The monthly Psychic Fair, author readings/signings and weekend workshops. Here's where it gets interesting. It is the seeking for meaning, not OF life, but IN life. Millions do it every day, every year, every weekend. See? There's the catch. Weekends. It's the hypocrite with which I take issue. Arsehole all week, first at First Baptist on the weekend, and they wonder in Wanderlust why they can't find happiness. There have been many incarnations of "This Woman," but this one applies to this story alone. She was a banker's wife, of the Country Club, season tickets to the Symphony set, black tie events all the way. Yet on the weekends, here she'd come, dripping in diamonds, both Herkimer and DeBeers, a medicine bag around her neck full of crystals, a floppy hat with an illegal as hell eagle feather in it, a Peruvian shawl, a bag of books, a gold AMEX to buy more, and these blue batik pants. All the other items could change, but never the pants, thus they came to be known as the Spiritual Pants, and an extended metaphor throughout my life for these people. This woman spent thousands of dollars to learn to read tarot, to read the Akashic records, to move energy with crystals, to do Reiki, to channel, to speak to Angels both higher and minor, she ran the gamut. Yet, was and, probably IS still seeking. Please don't get me wrong. Go… look… find… start…stop… do whatever…the only fault I find in all of this is in not giving one's self the time to absorb and integrate information, and for those who find ONE thing and think that it is the ONLY thing, and that THEIR GUIDES are the GUIDES for EVERYONE. That said let's get into some deeper intricacies of guides.
I have personally known folks who channel. I have met several who channel to larger audiences, and I am familiar with those that channel on a huge scale. As stated above, some are crap as they let external issues interfere in the information. Some you can tell there is a divine hand in it as a universal truth because it is true today, tomorrow, for me, for you, that guy over there; it just matters. That is clear presentation. I use this analogy: channelers, as with people who facilitate healing sessions, are supposed to be sterile tubing. A straight shot from source to the receiver. Noting from the conduit should interfere or get stuck in the tube, noting from the receiver should go to the conduit back to source, that is between them. It is a very simple clear process. Some are naturals, but it can be taught. Just like remote viewing. It CAN be taught, but the naturals are just better; not set above, just more fluid, making something difficult look easy. Part two. Constant, clear contact with guides/source/devas/whomever is not meant for the current human neural system. It is very draining. It is exhausting. Those that do it for a living will tell you the same information. They have to go to retreat to recharge after big sessions. Those who say that they are in constant, conscious contact with their guides are full of it. Yes, they, the guiding entities, are accessible at all times, but to be "on the red phone" all the time… utter BS. My personal experience is that sometimes, things will "fall out" I quickly acknowledge that it was not mine. That it was neither something I knew before, nor did I know where it came from. I don't say, "Oh those were My Guides speaking to you. They need you to know this." Not ever going to happen. I simply say, you may want to pay attention to that, because I don't know what it was supposed to mean. I am not a healer. I grind my teeth at those who say they are. I am and will always profess to merely be good company on the ride be it healing or a spiritual journey. I am loud and soft-spoken. I am big and little. I am cocky and yet have little ego. I am the Ass and I don't mind carrying you as long as you're not the average tourist. Otherwise, you're going to get the 10 year old Berlitz guide, and Donde esta la biblioteca? 

Hump Day Confessions

* I confess these first ones are going to be tough. It's been a long 6 months. It is not as malevolent as face value presents, it is a 6 month vent and many things have been "brought to my attention" "out of love" to "help"‪#‎lookityodamnself‬
* I confess it has taken me months to work up the nerve to do this.
* I confess that I have spent 95% of the last 6 months alone. A few hours here and there with a neighbor, time with my parents, the rest alone by choice. It has made me a little more weird, if that is even possible.
* I confess that very simple things make me happy. If I type LOL, I have LOL'd. I watch AFV because there is a nut shot guaranteed by 6 seconds in.
* I confess i did NOT like the person I was in the last relationship. I was yoked, saddled, and rode into the outback without water. I did however gain parenting experience, and I think I gave one child a view of how things could be better, and that she had to be the one to make it that way. I hope so at least.
* I confess a growing abhorrence for the need of another for me to be neurotically precise in my words and to explain/ translate nearly everything I say. I am not going to be doing that any more.
* I confess, on a related matter, that being "corrected" in public will get you envenomed here forward. The same people who want so desperately to point out that you are wrong don't have to balls to tell you your zipper is down or that you have spinach in your teeth. Next. (meaning screw you I'm moving on)
* I confess that I am tired of apologizing for my intelligence. I am a former MENSA member, and a bastion of truly useless knowledge. I have spent an easy half mil+ on school, 86.34% of my life in one school or another, and that doesn't count what the Navy spent. I DO NOT "know it all," nor do I have a penchant for one-uppance. If you really knew me you would know that I can't stand people who think, act or place themselves above others in any way, shape, or form.
* I am an official ex-smoker, I guess, as I have stopped counting days. I can't smell it on other people, but I can smell it on my things and eww I don't like it. so I've done about 30 loads of laundry in the last month. NO I am not one of those "uppity" ex smokers I can be around it and not blow the top of my skull.
* I confess that I love easy. I have loved people who have never known about it and just gotten over it on my own. I love people I shouldn't. I love people longer than I should. I should on myself often.
* I confess that most of my friends are my friends because they have the ability to tell on themselves. I absolutely ADORE that.
* I confess that I have edited 'Friend's Lists' not because I don't care about them, but because they don't care about me, and don't deserve to know shit about my life.
* I confess that this has been cathartic, and promise the next ones will be funny and random, I just needed to get some shit off my chest that has been weighing me down.
* I confess that I cannot read Thoreau's Walden without getting sleepy. Seriously, 3 pages, instant nap. Crying insomnia, and I can't remember how fast it works.
* I confess I hate the telephone. Business only. There are maybe 3 people on the planet that I can stay on the phone with over 15 minutes, they know who they are and don't abuse it.
* I confess that I have taken up a new hobby, and if I don't die from it i will post a video soon.
If you've made it this far, I appreciate you, and your time, probably more than you will ever know.